I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
