nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
