I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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