Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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