one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
