Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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