capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
