Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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