Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
