so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
