My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
