No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
