Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
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Houston, we have a blender
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
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PS: I just woke up from my shower
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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