I have demons in me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
