The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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