Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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