A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
