theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
