And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
