I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
