Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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