Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
