The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
