The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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