im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
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woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
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I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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