mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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