Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
