You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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