I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to