I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
