your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
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He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
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I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.