Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.