i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!