...so i touched it.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
