Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
