why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
