do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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