I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.