is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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