dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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