Do you still have your period?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
