I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
