K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
