Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Is that why you're texting me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)