so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
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Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.