If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just high enough for therapy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.