We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.