What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.