Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
