Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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