I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
