you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
