He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
