I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
