i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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