I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
