I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
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