There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
