i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
