I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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