Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
