I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
