btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
