brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
