Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
